If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
