As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
