Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
