i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
