You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
