i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
