I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think people are normalizing furries
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