Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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