everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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