If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
