You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
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