Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
