I got chris browned last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
