Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
