home. puking in laundry basket.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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