If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
