allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That was an excessively violent trivia night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
