that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
