Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
