Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
