time to smoke my breakfast
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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