she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
