i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
