Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize