im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
