I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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