the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Randomize
