It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
