Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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