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Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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