what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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