I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
