All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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