My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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