i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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