saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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