I think im going to throw up on grandma
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
