The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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