But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize