my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
