My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
