That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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