Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
