I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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