He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It was like giving head to a cactus.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
