my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Randomize
