tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Still dying that you shit outside
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
