he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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