He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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