If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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