Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
