Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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