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I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Pants 0. Shit 1.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Randomize
