Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
