Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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