I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
