Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
