he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
