TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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