im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
