Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Randomize
