I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
