On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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