Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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