I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
