Nicole vs. Life
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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