just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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