Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I can't turn off my feet"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
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