since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
