I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
a search helicopter?!
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
