i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize