please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i will never coherently bang her
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
i came on her dog
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Randomize