Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
