Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
