Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
