Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
